A CHRISTMAS CONVERSATION: The myth of Father Christmas (aka Santa Claus) revealed

Koa: “Oh, what’s that? Gee! I don’t believe it! There are fly agarics growing under that pine tree over there. Cool, let’s pick some and dry them in the morning.”

Brendan: “What those red and white mushrooms? Aren’t they poisonous?”

Koa: “They’re Amanita muscarias also known as fly agarics. No, contrary to urban myth they’re not at all poisonous. I’ve eaten hundreds of them. But of course, I would only eat them dried, especially sun-dried.”

Brendan: “Sun-dried?”

Koa: “Yes, the ibotenic acid in the Amanitas converts to muscimol, making them less nauseating..”

Brendan: “What’s muscimol?”

Koa: “Muscimol is a potent, selective agonist for the GABAA receptors which has sedative, hypnotic, and hallucinogenic psychoactivity.”

Brendan: “So they’re trippy?”

Koa: “No, not really.”

Brendan: “So what happens when you eat them?”

Koa: “Ha, you’ll soon see.”

Brendan: “But they are safe?”

Koa: “Yes, but in saying that you’ve got to be careful when picking any mushrooms. In fact, unless you’re an expert, no mushrooms are safe to pick and consume. But if you do happen to eat them, always take MILK THISTLE before and even after.”

Brendan: “Why?”

Koa: “MILK THISTLE works by preventing any toxins in mushrooms from reaching and damaging liver cells. MILK THISTLE has saved many people‘s lives, hence the name liver. Amanitas can be a little bit toxic if you eat them raw, but not when dry. That’s why we’ll dry them in the morning sunlight tomorrow.”

After collecting a dozen of the magical fairy stool mushrooms, Koa placed them in a paper bag.

Koa: “This will stop them going mushy, ha mushy, get it?”

Brendan: “Ha ha. And are they any good for eating?” 

Koa: “No, not really, they don’t contain much in the way of protein or carbs, but they do taste a bit like vegemite when they’re dry. Anyway, I love them, not for the eating, but for the energy they give you…”

Brendan: “Energy? What sort of energy?”

Koa: “Holistic energy – body, mind and/or spirit.”

Brendan: “Wow. They sound great. Hey, can we sleep here under these pine trees? These needles are soft and bouncy and it all smells so sweet here too.”

Koa: “Sure we can. Here put some of these shrooms under your head tonight.”

Brendan: “What for?’

Koa: “You’ll have amazing dreams.”

Brendan: “What sort of dreams?”

Koa: “You’ll soon see.”

Before going to sleep on the aromatic bed of pine needles, Koa skewered the mushrooms onto some smaller pine branches ready for the morning sunlight.

Brendan: “Gosh Koa, the tree looks like a Christmas tree now with those red and white mushies in the branches.”

Koa: “Well, that’s another story for around a campfire. Fly agarics and the Father Christmas myth. So when you think of Santa Claus what do you think of?”

Brendan: “Red and white colours?”

Koa: “Yes see the red and white of the fly agarics. It’s more than interesting that Father Christmas is always depicted in a red suit with white trimmings and a red cap with a white bob. Along with black boots which represent the ground that the fly agarics are pulled out of, leaving some dirt behind.”

Brendan: ‘That’s amazing.”

Koa: “And have you ever wondered why at Christmas time we place red and white gifts under a pine tree with all the baubles and things decorating the branches?”

Brendan: “Yes, I’ve always wondered?”

Koa: “There again Amanitas. The Siberian reindeer sledders would find these shrooms growing under the pine trees and then would skewer them on the branches to sun dry them. What else have you wondered about Christmas?”

Brendan: “Christmas stockings full of gifts…”

Koa: “Yes Christmas stockings in front of the fireplace. There again that’s how they dried these shrooms too. That’s if they weren’t able to sundry them. Anything else?

Brendan: “Um, flying reindeer sleds?”

Koa: “Yes, reindeers love these fly agarics by the way. In fact, the herdsman would actually look for the orange stains in the ice after the reindeer had eaten the fly agarics. They would scoop up the frozen urine and take it to the rich townsfolk who would purchase this frozen reindeer pee from them.”

Brendan: “What?”

Koa: “Yes it sounds unbelievable, but the more Amanitas are processed through the human body, and in this case, the reindeer body, the more potent they become and less nauseating.”

Brendan: “Yuck.”

Koa: “Ha, but even yuckier for you, is that when the rich townsfolk had finished their journey with the agarics they would piss into a bucket and give it back to the reindeer herdsmen, who would happily then consume their urine…”

Brendan: “Yuck! Why?”

Koa: “Because they become even more potent and purified.”

Brendan: “And what about the flying reindeer?”

Koa: “Well, when the reindeer and the herdsman were both intoxicated on Amanitas they would feel invincible. They felt superhuman strength and the Vikings were known to take this Amanita muscaria for that very purpose too. And along with the hallucination of traveling at great speed over the snow, they would have the sensation of flying.”

Brendan: “So they give you strength more than wipe you out?”

Koa:“Oh definitely. If you simmer up at full dose regarded as two smaller shrooms, or one big one, around ten grams, and take it, you do go into a twilight sleep. But you allow that to happen and then you emerge out of it super strong feeling invincible as I said. If you chew on a small piece to go walking or dancing, you’ll feel so much more energetic and so much more powerful.”

Brendan: “And Rudolph the red nose reindeer?”

Koa: “Again a reindeer’s nose would look like an Amanita…”

Brendan: “And what about Santa going down chimneys?”

Koa: “The culture of Amanita muscaria at the solstice emanated from Siberia and hence the North Pole. And at that time of year in Siberia most of the snow would be built-up around the doors in the windows and the only way they could access the yurts and small huts would be down through the chimneys.”

Brendan: “Wow, that explains a lot of things.”

Koa: “I know and yet the Christian fraternity denies this Christmas myth. You see back in the day they blended the Santa Claus rituals with the Christmas rituals because they coincided at almost the same time as the December solstice.”

Brendan: “And what’s the giving away of gifts all about?”

Koa: “Well, when tripping that is, when many people become aware that material things aren’t really essential and often do giveaway their belongings. But back in those times, there weren’t really many material possessions or manufactured items to give away. And of course, the inebriated reindeer herdsman would be giving away these abundant red and white mushrooms…”

Brendan: “Wow! so that’s where the tradition of gift-giving at Christmas time started.”

Koa: “Yes I reckon that’s where all the Christmas traditions came from and I’m positively sure these shrooms generated the myth of Father Christmas.

Brendan: “Wow I’m still amazed that all of what you said is not public knowledge.”

Koa: “Well you’ll find anything to do with herbs isn’t public knowledge…”

Brendan: “Why is that?”

Koa: “Because BigPharma doesn’t want that knowledge to be out there, that’s why. There’s big money to be made from allopathy.…Anyway let’s get some sleep now. Good night.”

Brendan and Koa went straight off to sleep, at peace in the aroma and comfort of the pine needles. When they awoke after a night of crazy dreams, the sun was well above the horizon.

Brendan: “Gee that was the best night sleep I’ve had for ages.”

Koa: “And did you notice any crazy dreams?”

Brendan: “Sure did.”

Koa: “Me too. We’d better get going now, but let’s collect these mushies first…Wow, they’re already dry.…Here, would you like to try this little bit for breakfast?”

They both laughed.

Brendan: “You sure I won’t trip on them?”

Koa: “No way.”

Brendan carefully placed a piece in his mouth.

Brendan: “You’re right, they do taste like vegemite! But what’s so special about them if you don’t trip on them like normal mushies?”

Koa: “Look I’ve told you already, you won’t trip on them at all.”

Brendan: “Then what do they do?”

Koa: “You’ll soon find out …”

Brendan: “When?”

Koa: “Oh, maybe half an hour or so. Anyway, it’s hard to explain, they just give you superhuman energy. Depending upon where you’re at, what you’re doing, they’re great for inspiration, reflection, excellent for dancing on.…”

Brendan: “I don’t think we will be doing any of that.”

Koa: “Getting stimulating thoughts, inspirations…they’re generally uplifting, whatever you are doing.”

Brendan: “This is only a small piece but. How much would you normally have?”

Koa: “As I said ten grams, but that’s more for a full-on spiritual journey. But even that small piece will give you an effect.”

Brendan: “What sort of an effect?”

Koa: “You’ll soon find out.”

After a while, Brendan felt like he was three meteres tall, strolling along with boundless energy.

Brendan: “Wow I feel so strong, colours are brighter too, these are great.”

Koa: “Yes, I do too.”

Brendan: “Why don’t we know about these? I always thought they were poisonous…” 

Koa: “Yes, sadly a lot of this knowledge is denied from us.”

Brendan: “That’s so wrong….”

Koa: “Yes, it certainly is. Do you know most of the restricted herbs are actually really good for us, physically, mentally and/or spiritually.”

Brendan: “I can’t wait to learn more about them……”

Koa: “Yep, I reckon that we should have more herb lore and not herb law.”